While a rare, beautifully sunny day late January, my day started stressfully and never improved. The alarm clock failing to alarm required my rushing to get dressed, get the kids dressed (without yelling!), get kids to school (different ones!), me to work, complete work in a compelling tone and quick pace, meet with boss quickly, pick kids up (one late!), get kids home to rest for 30 min. while solving various quarrels, get kids ready for church group (late to choir!).
Today, I had a realization: I’m not performing any of my roles effectively. Thinking back to my full-time, career-focused days, sometimes I was spread so thin, wearing so many hats, that nothing was accomplished very well. Sure, all of my bases were covered (well, most); but, juggling yielded an inability to give more than very minimal effort to any one task. This is where I find myself today despite the fact that I’m no longer a full-time, career woman. While I work part-time and career is no longer my top priority, I am expected to be sharp and creative when at work – all cylinders go! However, sometimes all I can think about is the time I’m missing with my kids. Like today… missing my son’s Cowboy Round-up party in his Pre-K group. Sure, sounds like nothing but I find as the kids grow-up it’s really the little things that matter. So, I find myself giving half the effort I should be to work.
My main role is “Mom” yet because I work part-time – and am somewhat of a creative idealist with aspirations and unrealized dreams – I find myself wishing I had more “me” time to spend working and writing. Cleaning the house, of course, is another distraction to my ideal perception of being “Mom”. Therefore, my kids receive only half the mothering they should.
Whatever sliver of my energy that remains (think I’m in the negative side of zero here most of the time) goes to my role as “wife”. Can’t say that I know how to solve this one at this point, but I am trying.
Back when I worked full-time, my solution to this realization would most likely be delegating something to someone else so that I could be more effective to at least one task. But, when your bosses are your husband, your kids, and your employer, which do you choose? The answer I would like to choose is my family – being a good Wife and Mother is the most important job I could have…but it only pays in hugs!
Guess this will be an Adventure to be Continued….